The Questionnaire: Jocelyn Heaney

By The QuestionnaireMarch 26, 2012

How do you get up in the morning? 


Reluctantly. 


 


Do you succumb to nostalgia? 


Only on eBay.


 


Do you write long and cut, or short and backfill? 


Long and cut. 


 


Lunch with any three people who ever lived; who do you invite? 


John Lennon, Marilyn Monroe, Vladimir Nabokov. 


 


Best piece of advice you ever received? 


"If you got something good, keep it in your pocket."


 


Have you ever been defeated by a genre? 


No, but I've been bested by a genus.


 


Which classic author would you like to see kicked out of the pantheon? 


Ben Franklin.


 


Are you okay with blood? 


Love it.


 


What country would you want to be exiled in? 


Greece. 


 


What's your favorite negative emotion? 


Self-righteous indignation.


 


Is your study neat, or, like John Muir's, is your desk and floor covered in "lateral, medial, and terminal moraines"? 


Like John Muir's, but my moraines end in alluvial fans.


 


What is your go-to shoe? 


Comfortable, but non-leather.


 


What's your poison? 


Cereal.


 


What's your problem? 


Time.


 


What are you so afraid of? 


Sharks and Garrison Keillor. 


 


How long can you go without putting paw to keyboard? 


A few days at most.


 


Do you require a high thread count? 


Astronomical. 


 


Who reads you first?  


My cabal of inner voices.


 


Sexy and dangerous, or brilliant and kind? 


Yes.


 


What character or story haunts you? 


Lolita & Humbert.


 


Does plot matter? 


Yes.


 


Does age matter? 


I am starting to think so.


 


Do you prefer to write standing, or must you lie prone in a field of dandelions with a steno pad and a good pen? Or what? 


I love lying down and writing, but it can be murder on the wrists!


 


 

LARB Contributor

The Questionnaire is, as her name suggests, a multifarious and mysterious interlocutor. Chameleon-like, her questions change their color as they approach each new interviewee.

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